Monday, March 29, 2010

May 12, 2008 Brian gets to hold Joshua

The next morning I got to hold Joshua again. Both Brian's mom and my mom came. Joshua was fussier this morning and Terry suggested that I rock him. I was nervous about this because we had had nurses tell us about overstimulating the babies brains and that rocking could do that. But after a minute I tried and he settled right down. Brian read the Tawny Scrawny Lion to him, we were trying to inspire Joshua to eat a lot and fatten up like the lion in the book. If you look at Joshua now it looks like it worked. Later that afternoon or evening we came so Brian could hold Joshua. I think just Brian and I came this time. I don't know if I even stuck around the whole time, I would usually either come and help Brian get Joshua ready and then go pump, or pump and then come hang out at the end. But anyway Joshua looked so cute with his daddy. He started out in the middle of Brian's chest then slowly moved over, and then finally got comfortable, grabbed Brian's chest hair and managed to put one of his monitors on Brian so it wouldn't go off.
Look how happy Joshua looks just to be with his dad
This became our schedule for the next while, I would hold him in the morning and Brian would hold him in the evenings. We were only allowed to hold him twice a day, so Brian and I hogged all the holdings and wouldn't let anyone else hold him for a long time.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

May 11, 2008 First Mother's Day

It was suprising to be a mother for this Mother's Day, since I was not expecting it, but I was excited I might be able to hold Joshua that day. Brian was supposed to speak that day in church and he never got around to writing the talk. I had been bugging him and he said he had a general idea in his head. He was able to get out of it though, so he was glad he saved the effort.
We called the hospital or we went over that morning, I can't remember now, but we got the go ahead for me to hold Joshua that afternoon. Brian and I asked our family to let us do this time alone since we had missed having close family time with our new little family since Joshua was born.
When we went to see Joshua he was under bili lights for gaundice. It is normal for preemies to have it, and easy to take care of since they are already in the hospital they can just shine the lights on them and take care of it. He had to wear a hat and "bili goggles" over his eyes to protect them from the light. Brian really liked how the pictures came out he thought it made Joshua look like an angel.
When I went in to hold him they had me sit in one of the many rocking chairs they have hanging around in the NICU. The nurse also got me some pillows to make me more comfortable. They had me hold him skin to skin, they said it is best for the babies, helps them get to know their parents, and it helps them grow. And it helps bring the mother's milk in, since it is much more natural than the pump. They gave me a special shirt thing to wear, and put Joshua on my chest, and then put a warmed blanket over him to keep him warm.
The nurse gave him his feeding then too, so he would start to associate eating with being around mom. I think he was getting 2 ml every 3 hours at that point. I had to hold him really carefully to make sure his chin didn't fall down. Preemie's windpipes aren't hardened all the way, and if they bend their head forward they can't breath anymore. The nurse had to readjust him a couple of times, but then we got it right.
It was nice to just to be able to hold him. He settled down and seemed quite content and I was able to hold him for about 45 minutes. When we put him back in the isollette he got very upset. He screamed and screamed, and the nurse came and turned him to a new position and he still screamed. The nurse then put him on his stomach and said we would try this position, but other that I don't know what to do. Joshua still screamed, and started pushing himself up the isolette. Imagine a baby doing army crawling, but pushing more with the legs instead of pulling with his arms, and not having any head control, so just pushing the head up too.
I felt so bad because I couldn't pick him up and comfort him. He cried for about 30 minutes until he finally fell asleep. It was really sad to have to put him back, but they said I could hold him again tomorrow morning, and Brian would be able to hold him the next afternoon. So it gave us something to look forward to. Being able to hold Joshua for the first time was a wonderful gift on my first Mother's Day.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

The Second Day- May 10, 2008

Brian went down to UVRMC to make sure Joshua was settled in the new hospital and then dropped by our apartment to pick up a few things because I didn't take anything with me to the hospital. While he was gone the nurse brought in the hospital grade pump. When I signed into the hospital they asked me if I wanted to nurse, I assumed they meant when my baby was born term, yes I wanted to nurse. But I obviously couldn't nurse Joshua and fortunately I was willing ot try pumping. I will probably dedicate a post later to the joys and woes of pumping, but that night began the love/hate relationship with the pump.

When Brian got back it was already early, early morning. There was a couch thingy in the room where he was able to sleep. It was a little more comfortable for him then when he slept in the recliner when I was in the hospital with the blood clot. It was almost impossible to sleep, and we ended up giving up when the sun came up. We called down to UVRMC to check on Joshua. He was doing really good, they were starting him on caffine to help him remember to breath. Babies aren't supposed to have to breath for themselves before they are born. So preemies will "forget" to breath having periods called apnea this will also lead to decreased heart rate called bradycardia. The caffine was helping Joshua and they were weaning him off the ventilator and expected him off by the afternoon. They were running tests to make sure everything was okay, and had him on preventative antibotics just in case, but everything was going really well.

Brian went to go get breakfast because we don't like hospital food, while he was gone he called Bree (the friend that had the baby four days before Joshua) and told her to call me. I told her that I had my baby and she was shocked but she came over to the hospital to see me a couple of hours later. I called a few other people to let them know, partly because it kept me occupied. When I had time to think I kept waiting for Joshua to kick me, like I had gotten so used to in the previous weeks. The couple of days before Joshua was born when the problems started I would feel intently for his kicks and they seemed to let me know that Joshua was okay. Now the kicks were gone, it was so weird.

I was ready to get out of the hospital as soon as I could so I could go see Joshua. Brian's mom was able to catch a flight out that day and when she got to the hospital I was almost ready to be discharged. We went home briefly and then went over to see Joshua.

Joshua was off the ventilator by the time I got there, and they had me sign a release form for him to begin eating (his milk came through a NG tube through his nose or mouth into his stomach). My milk hadn't come in yet in any storable form so they gave him pasterized milk from other women with preemies that had donated the milk.

The nurse came over and explained to us that preemie's nervous systems are not developed and they prefer firm touches to stroking. Touch is very important to a preemie like it is for any baby, but light rubbing is very uncomfortable to them. It took me a couple of times to get in the habit, and I felt bad each time I had to be reminded and when I remembered that the first time I saw Joshua I had stroked his leg, but no one told me not to then. I did get in the habit pretty quickly.
One way the nurse suggested to touch Joshua was to have him hold a finger. He had a really good grip.
Joshua also got to hold his Grandma's finger.
We didn't stay too long because preemies need to sleep alot, and I was tired and probably need to pump. The nurse said that there was a good chance that I would be able to hold him the next evening, if Joshua continued to do well. That was really exciting.

Later that evening Brian and I went back with my parents to check on Joshua. When my dad was on the way up he ran into a friend from our ward in Lindon Kristina. She had the same OB as I did and I ran into her a coule of times at the doctor's office. She had twins at about 31 weeks a few weeks earlier. She came over and talked to me and it was so wonderful to see a familiar and friendly face in the world of the NICU. I really think she was sent from God to be some comfort during that time. Kristina took Brian and I over to see her twins I think they were about 5 pounds and they seemed so big.

Then Brian and I went home to sleep since we didn't sleep at all the night before. For the first several weeks I made sure that both Brian's and my cellphones were charged and near us just in case something happened to Joshua during the night. But he was doing so well when we left I was able to sleep really well.